My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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