I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
