I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
