He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
