I will die if light touches me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
