So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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