I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
