i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
