I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this boner is exhausting
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
