you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
