Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she woke up with a sticky ear
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
