We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
