omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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