That's when you crack a 10am beer
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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