Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
