walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
