Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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