It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
