Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
