All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
