my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
