i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Semen is not good for contacts.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
