A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
