i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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