One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
