Im at strip club and am horny
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
