That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love accidental penises.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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