I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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