My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
