Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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