Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
