god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
