Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
