you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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