Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
