I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
