I'm pants shitting drunk right now
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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