porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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