Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
