haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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