she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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