Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
