yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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