Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
