OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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