your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
