I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
