I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
