If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
