im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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