They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
