I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
look no pants
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
