It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
