Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
