You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
