If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
