Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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