those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
