we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
