I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
